One healthy boy

This is what I love to see going on in our garden in the evening after dinner....

Much to be preferred over this.....

Interview with Tristan

My friend Zan tagged me for this meme on facebook. I decided to post it here instead. A view into the head of my 12 year old son....

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
"I love you"

2. What makes your mom happy?
"a good nights sleep"

3.What makes your mom sad?
"when she tries something and it doesn't work"

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
" by acting weird"

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"how should i know! "

6. How old is your mom?
"37, even I know that!" (he's referring to the fact that I forgot how old I was a while ago and told my colleagues I was 36)

7. How tall is your mom?
"1,76" (actually it's 1,67)

8.What is your mom's favourite thing to do?
"going to the sauna with Alize"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"turn the music on loud and dance strangely"

10. If your mom becomes famous , what will it be for?
"by putting a film on Youtube made while she's freaking out because something isn't working out right"

11. What is your mom really good at?
"Swearing" (what's the english word for yelling and screaming but not actually taking Gods name in vain?)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"making up songs "

13. What is your mom's job?
"coordinating volunteer work "

14. What's your mom's favourite food?
"lasagna"

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"ummmm, ummmmm, i don't know anything"

16.If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
"i don't have a clue"

17. What do u and your mom do together?
"we live in the same house"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"we have the same ears"

19. How are you and your mom different?
"she's a woman and i'm a man"

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"Because she tells me all day long"

21. Where is your mom's favourite place to go?
"Ethiopia"

Boy

Tristan is now reduced to owning one pair of pants. A pair of jeans, as a matter of fact. Jeans which creep alarmingly up his legs. He ruined his only other pants by ripping out the seat while jumping on the trampoline. And the pair before that.... he sat down on his bed and the seat tore right out of those. So actually, about 5 weeks ago we should have bought him at least one more pair of pants.....

So much for keeping my children fed and clothed properly!!

Isn't he wonderful

The school search continues

The last couple of weeks have been spent regularly visiting schools in our area. High schools, for Tristan to go to next year. Because he's almost done with elementary school (I only have to take a look at the huge boy standing next to me for this to really sink in!). Next week he'll be taking the dutch version of the SAT's, which will help us decide which level of education he'll end up going to. Funny thing is he's actually looking forward to them! Looking forward to the challenge, wanting to accomplish something instead of being bored at the school he's at.

Back to the school hunt though. Each school in this area has it's own "expertise". There's a school which places a lot of emphasis on the arts, there's a school that offers dual language training (english and dutch), there's the school around the corner which prides itself on being small and homey, there's the school that aims for solid christian education. There's the school he can bike to, and the school that he has to take the train to (thinking of the costs here!).
Lots of choices!

So we traipse from school to school with Tristan hoping that something will click and we'll make the right decision. Someplace that will foster his ambitions, offer a supportive environment, and give him room to be himself.

Ambition

When we moved here, we pretty much automatically chose the school around the corner for Tristan. Word of mouth had it that it was a pretty good school, and come on, it's literally just around the corner!
We've had some regrets since. Tristan is a smart kiddo and was doing some extra work at his old school with other smart kids. The school here doesn't have any extra programs and seems to think that being average is quite good enough thank you.
Take tonight for example. We were getting information about different school options after elementary school. (Middle school and high school here are seperated into different levels of education, depending on grades, study habits, intelligence and child personality). There was a ton of explanation about the average level of education, and very very little about the options for smart kids.
And that bothers me. Because I think Tristan should be ambitious, and I think we should be ambitious with him. I don't think it's ok for him to chose to go to an easy school where he won't have to do anything to get good grades. I want him to be challenged, to want to learn, to aim high. And that is seemingly not done here. Being average is quite good enough. Which means we'll have to get a bit stubborn and search a bit further to find the school that will encourage him and not endorse averageness.

So what am I grateful for? For my smart kid. Because I really do realize that that is a gift and not something to be taken for granted. And I'm grateful for a school system which creates room for kids with all kinds of capabilities, making it possible for practically any child to find the niche that he or she will fit into. Even if that niche then means you can settle into being average :-)

Stoute Cross

Today I convinced Tristan he HAD to go with me to the Stoute Cross. This almost literally meant me grabbing him by the arm and dragging him along... but he came! And then he enjoyed this:




I was wondering why on earth it was called the stoute cross, seeing as this literally means the naughty motocross. Then I saw the add in the paper which proudly proclaimed that this event "has been legal for 5 years!". So I'm guessing it's called naughty because it used to be illegal, and the name has stuck.
It was surprisingly fun to see cars racing madly around a mud track while the stench of diesel, oil and burnt rubber assailed my nostrils. Meanwhile my ears were lambasted by engine noises of all kinds which added to the overal cacophony caused by a screwed up sound system and a LOT of men and boys gathered around giving opinions.
Definately repeatable next year... even Tristan thinks so!

Chips and Candy

In a desperate bid to keep Tristan and his friend happy, I went to the store with them and let them each pick out a bag of candy, a bag of chips and a soft drink. Then I called home and asked Marinda and Herman what they wanted. All because Tristan has a friend spending a couple of nights, and really, they aren't getting along. This is a friend from his old school, and I guess the distance has made them grow apart. There seems to be very little they agree on. Not the same kind of movies, not the same kind of activities, they just seem to rub each other the wrong way. And I don't feel like I can call the friends parents and ask them to pick him up because it's not quite bad enough for that. You know how it is? When you offer them all kinds of options for activities to which they react by mumbling and shrugging their shoulders? It drives me bonkers, because if there's one thing I do not want to be doing when friends are over, it is refereeing the arguments and arranging entertainment.
So 4 videos and chips and candy were thrown into the equation and led to a form of sugar and fat induced peace.
One more day to go!

Up a tree

Mom, Mom!!

Mom, Mom, come watch us play ping-pong!

Through the back alley....

On to the playground by Tristans school....
Chosing sides.......

and action...
And now will you please watch us instead of hiding behind the camera!!

Ping-pong, the new soccer

Tristan is unable to play soccer, due to his tendonitis. The prognosis is that he will be unable to play for the most of this season. But he has discovered a new passion. Ping-pong. Marinda had an interest in this a couple of years back, so this is actually something they can do together.
Ping-pong was motivation enough to get Tristan out of the sofa and into the store to buy a complete set, making it possible to transform our dining room table into a ping-pong table. Of course, this means that all the chairs must be put to the side and the table pulled into the middle of the room.
But you know what?? I don't care!! I'm just so darn happy that Tristan has something that is motivating him, and something that he can do without causing pain in his tendon. It's worth the relative mess to see him and Marinda playing together, and to see him playing with other boys. I even tried my hand at it which gave cause for huge fits of laughter :-).

First day of school

Kids first day of school today. Got off to a pretty good start. Woke myself up on time, woke up the kids on time. But an hour later I was yelling at Marinda on the bicycle path and got into the train all hot and bothered. Long story!
But now she's calling me to come up with popcorn and watch some TV with her. She nodded off to sleep after supper, I guess the early morning is getting to her! Tristan described his teacher as "fat and lazy". That doesn't sound very exciting.....
Hopefully all will go well with my kiddies this year. Marinda has some catching up to do, especially in the math area (an area I WILL NOT be joining!) and Tristan really needs a good year, poor guy. He's had a tough time getting adjusted here.
So I'm off to make popcorn, and then maybe nod off to sleep myself.

Today

Today is the first day of possibly a whole weekend of no kids. Hmmm.... wonder what we'll do with our time!
Although we will have to take it easy. Unfortunately, during our vacation, Hermans colitis acted up quite badly making him feel very tired and also giving him a lot of pain. So he's had to call in sick and he's having to take things real slow.
But despite that, some time without kids is not something to be taken lightly! It's great to watch whatever I want on tv, to eat food that the kids don't like, and generally enjoy the peace and quiet. Especially knowing that the kids are doing something that they enjoy doing. Tristan is spending a couple of days with a friend from his old school. He's really been looking forward to that. And Marinda watched a movie with two friends who are over from Russia and is now staying with one of my friends in Utrecht.
Well, that was a lot of words spent on something that is most likely not interesting to anybody but myself!
Anyhow, I will now install myself in front of the tv, snuggle up to Herman and watch Secret Millionaire. Gotta love that program!

Hospital

When Tristan was little he was hospitalized 4 times. It was a combination of hypospadias and his hemophilia which made these hospitalizations neccesary. Besides being operated on the hypospadias, he also received a portacath, an implanted catheter which was supposed to make it easier for us to inject him for his hemofilia.
Because of his hemofilia, he had to stay in hospital a lot longer than any other child. First it took a day to get his clotting levels up to "normal" and then he had to stay while the healing proces went on. An IV with clotting factors was either attached to his hand or his foot during the whole proces. Amazingly enough, he has no trauma from any of these hospitalizations.
We do though! Although trauma might be too big of a word. But one thing we learned and adhere to strictly is to be VERY VERY ALERT during all hospital visits. A lot of things could have gone wrong if we hadn't been alert enough to pay attention to every detail.
I have mixed memories of all these hospital visits. One of the times, we were actually on vacation. He developed a high fever, sign of infection, and halfway the holiday I went to hospital with him. His portacath was infected and needed to be removed. So Herman and I spent the rest of the holiday travelling back and forth to the hospital by turns, driven by our loving wonderful friends each way. That way Marinda had her vacation and we each got a couple of days break. The funny thing is I have good memories of that vacation despite the fact that Tristan was in hospital!
Another time I remember him feeling perfectly well after his surgery. His first hypospadias surgery hadn't worked, and this was the second repair job. One of my friend made a gift box for him, one gift for every day. He got an extra long IV so he was even able to ride a tricycle through the hospital hallways. And that time we celebrated Marindas birthday in the hospital, in the rec room, with a couple of family members. During his surgery we went to visit a friend who had just given birth to her son in the same hospital.
The "severity" of it all has faded into the past. It's only when I look at the pictures that I remember the strain of being alert all the time, of sleeping next to a bleeping, beeping, peeping machine. Of breathing the rarified air of the hospital. Of feeling lost in time and encapsulated, like the days lasted forever. Of a knot of tension in my stomach when he went under. I also remember feeling grateful for friends coming to visit, feeling secure that things were going all right at home, knowing that people were praying for us.
It was a strange time. I hope it doesn't need repeating.

Raising kids

I'm trying to tempt Tristan to eat his veggies by telling him that after he does so we will go get ice cream at Marindas place of work.



It's not working.


Ok, I just have to update this post! It's now about an hour later. Tristan is taking one pea at a time with a huge gulp of ice tea and then painfully trying to swallow it all. And he still has about 30 peas to go! I have now given him 5 more minutes. (I know... my parenting skills are astounding! Everybody now wants to follow my shining example.....).


.

Posted with permission

This is my gorgeous son:




















And this is how he makes me laugh:

Teenager?

I have a new habit with my son. We watch Lost together! That's pretty cool actually, because I can totally not interest any other of my family members in this type of program. He will even watch Star Trek with me!
That seems to be just about the only thing that binds us together these days. For the rest he's acting totally hormonal, and he's only eleven! Marinda was an early teen as well, so I should be prepared, but really, I'm not. I don't think any mother is ever prepared to have her child slam doors and yell and be frustrated for large amounts of time. I have to think of new child-raising techniques to suit Tristan, as he's the almost complete opposite of Marinda. Anything that worked for her will most likely not work with him.
So by the time I have figured it out, my kids will be grown and have kids of their own. And then where will I put my parenting skills to use?

Discouraged

Feeling just a tad discouraged today. Tristan possibly has another bleed in his thumb and really sore feet from playing soccer. It's a recurring problem, so I think I'll have to go get some medical advice. Not something I really feel up to as it will mean more medical appointments. Marinda called from Italy with a bad headache, poor girl. I'm feeling bad I can't be there to feed her aspirin and cuddle up to her until she falls asleep. And I had a "grit my teeth and hang on by my fingernails" kind of day despite the fact that the sun actually shone!
So I'll keep this short and hope tomorrow will be better.

Monday Monday

Marinda is off to school. She's got exams this week, so she's really been doing her best to get some good grades. If she does well she'll probably be able to pass this school year. So I hope it works for her!
Tristan is another story. It's driving me to desperation. He's never been sick, aside from his hemofilia. But the last couple of weeks have been terribly with him feeling sickly a lot of the time with vague complaints of headaches, stomaches, lack of sleep and so forth and so on. And I can't figure out if there's really something physically wrong, or if he's not doing well at school, or if the move is affecting him or ..... I have to push and shove to get him out of bed a lot of mornings and if there's one way to get the day of to a brilliant terrific positive start, then that certainly is the way.... I'm not a morning person.
So here I am, on monday morning. Part of me is happy that I havn't started working on mondays yet so Tristan can stay at home and get some more sleep. Most of me is not knowing how to cope with this situation.

Hospital

Called the hospital this morning, because Tristans arm still hurt. Then we had to go to the hospital, because they wanted to check it out. And this time they did find a little fracture. So he's got his arm in a splint with a bright green bandage around it. He doesn't mind at all. And aside from the fact that we had to spend 3 HOURS in the waiting room (which was located in the basement, with no fresh air) I don't mind either. Too bad we pumped him full of his clotting factor though. Could have saved our medical insurance quite a number of euros by not having to do that!
We've had plenty of hospital experience with Tristan. 4 operations will do the trick! And again I was affirmed in my feeling that as a mom, in a hospital, you have to keep an eagle eye on things. Keep the ears and the eyes open, because a lot of hassle can be prevented that way. Mommies really do know best in a lot of situations!! I'm often grateful for my love of reading "Where there is no doctor" as a kid, and for the fact that I worked in a hospital for a while.
It was weird to be back in that hospital because I worked there for a number of years as a secretary on the radiology department. I even saw one of the doctors I used to work for and I saw a work schedule hanging up which looked exactly the same as when I used to work there. Funny to see how things stay the same when you've moved on so far as a person!