The other day I cancelled my subscription to two newsletters that have internationally oriented jobs in them.
That statement may not sound very exciting, interesting, stimulating or important in any way at all to anyone but me.
See, for the last couple of years I have been avidly searching for my dream job. I had high hopes of finding a job which meant that I would be able to do some travelling and be able to incorporate some of how I grew up into my work. I have given up. Or maybe that's not the right thing to say. I seem to have lost my drive. And that's happened since I went back to Ethiopia this Christmas. And I can't seem to put into words exactly why it is that this dream of mine has disappeared. I do know that it's left me feeling slightly lost and out of wack. Like some essential part of me has gone missing or something.
Maybe just being back in Ethiopia has helped put some missing pieces into place. I felt that I would be filling a gap in my life by finding an internationally oriented job. In Ethiopia I discovered that I didn't want to neccesarily live there, I just wanted to feel at home. Just being there felt perfectly right and yet I knew that moving there would not make that feeling last forever. And searching for my dream job would also probably not give me that same feeling of belonging. I guess that feeling goes much farther than simply location or activitities. It has something to do with what goes on inside me, something that I can often be quite clueless about.
So, for now, I will get involved in my new job. I'm quite comfortable there, and much less insecure than I thought I would be. I even tell jokes, and have people laugh! It does feel strange and uncomfortable not knowing what I am moving towards. I have no dreams, no vision for my life right now and I don't particularly like that.
Showing posts with label goodbye. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goodbye. Show all posts
Last day of work
Yesterday was my last day at work. Despite the fact that my manager couldn't be there to say goodbye to me, it was a good day. I got a lot of gifts, nice e-mails and a great speech. And knowing me with my love of compliments, it was as good as it gets! It felt strange though to leave a place that I've worked at for 6 years. And to leave a project that has become "mine" in so many ways. I still feel quite possesive of it though I think that will pass rather quickly with the distance that there is now! I took the time write a couple more e-mails after everybody had left and to consciously stand in my office and be aware of the fact that I was leaving. I can be really bad at goodbyes, moving on to new things really quickly, forgetting that it's not only something new I'm moving forward too, it's also something old that I'm leaving behind. But I think this went ok. No tears anyways!Today we also hand over the keys to our old house. Then hopefully Herman and I will find some time to actually BE together in some significant way, instead of both rushing around doing anything but being together!
Last times
Last day at work today, yesterday was my lastbike ride "home". Yesterday was Tristans last soccer practice. This picture is of the last social event for my volunteers that I attended. Here I am unwrapping the last gift that they will ever give me.
Tomorrow is Tristans last day at school. And Marinda's last visit to school. I'm doing my last loads of laundry, typing possibly my last post in this house. I will wake up early for the last time in this house, we had our last dinner here tonight.
If I'm not careful I may get emotional!
Not really though. But I do want to make sure that I am aware that we are leaving here. I want to make sure I say my goodbyes properly and not leave anything unfinished. So far, that's working out pretty good!
Another goodbye
Today was Hermans goodbye at work. He took the time and effort to write personal notes to all his direct colleagues and have the last ritual of coffee with cake with them. That's a very typical dutch thing on any momentous occassion. The one who's celebrating his birthday, departure, marriage, birth, drivers licence, or whatever, has to bring cake and then celebrate with the direct colleagues, preferably sitting in a circle. When at home, you do the same. The circle is a terrible thing. You get stuck next to people you neither know, or care to know, and then you have to spend the rest of the time making pleasant small talk with them! Many a birthday has been spent trying to get people out of the circle, but tradition must prevail at all costs...
But I digress... I was actually trying to tell about Hermans goodbye. He had a reception from his work (the same principle of the circle was repeated here, only the circle was big enough to contain about thirty people). I was invited too so I got to meet a lot of people from his work. Some of them for the first time. It doesn't sound very logical when I write it down. I mean why should I show up all of a sudden, when he's leaving? It's not like I was working there! I did enjoy it though. Lots of people showed up, he got a lot of gifts and people were very personal in wishing him the best. I enjoyed watching people enjoy him! He got a good sendoff and now has 5 weeks of vacation to look forward to. The weeks in Ethiopia will be peaceful (hopefully), the coming two weeks will be rushed. So glad he'll be home to bring some semblance of normality back to the house!
But I digress... I was actually trying to tell about Hermans goodbye. He had a reception from his work (the same principle of the circle was repeated here, only the circle was big enough to contain about thirty people). I was invited too so I got to meet a lot of people from his work. Some of them for the first time. It doesn't sound very logical when I write it down. I mean why should I show up all of a sudden, when he's leaving? It's not like I was working there! I did enjoy it though. Lots of people showed up, he got a lot of gifts and people were very personal in wishing him the best. I enjoyed watching people enjoy him! He got a good sendoff and now has 5 weeks of vacation to look forward to. The weeks in Ethiopia will be peaceful (hopefully), the coming two weeks will be rushed. So glad he'll be home to bring some semblance of normality back to the house!
A churchly goodbye
Today we said goodbye to our church, (picture taken this morning) and surprisingly it wasn't emotional at all.I say surprisingly because this is a church that we have been attending for 14 years, which is quite a while! You'd think that goodbyes would be coupled with liters of tears and lots of hankies. No such thing....I guess it means it's a good thing we're leaving, and that the time is right to move on.
When we first came to the church we were a young couple with major problems. I was really depressed, had barely any parenting skills, and our marriage was hanging on a thread. The church was a good place to be, the people were supportive, there were jobs to be done, opportunities to grow. The name of the church is The Shelter, and that is what we did. I wonder what church we will go to now? Maybe we ought to chose a church based on its name! Something like The Challenge or The Growth or the Church of Great Opportunities or something like that ;-)
Photographs
A fantastic friend of ours is making a "goodbye portfolio" for us. Just like her to do something like that! Today she was in church taking pictures of me doing my chores for the last time. I had to hang up the church decorations and greet people at the door and I ended up pouring the coffee as well, so she had enough to do! And she's already collected all the pictures that she has made of us in the last couple of years. Pictures of our wedding anniversary, the tapas evening we organized together, the ladies night we had at her house a while back and a number of other occasions. As well as that she's taking pictures of us here in our house now, doing all our mundane things. It might sound boring, but I know we will really enjoy those pictures once we've moved! And besides that, I often use pictures to inspire me when I post something on my blog. So it works out well in every way. I have actually been bummed because I've already packed up my albums and don't have any fun old pictures that I can write anecdotes to.
Prepare yourself, sometime in december you may be bored witless by the plethora of pictures of people you don't know appearing on this blog!
Prepare yourself, sometime in december you may be bored witless by the plethora of pictures of people you don't know appearing on this blog!
Lesson learned?
It took a drive back to our new town today to remind me of a lesson I had hoped I had learned! The thing is, I was really not too happy about the rental house that we looked at. The smallness and the location didn't agree with me. It felt almost claustrofobic to sign my name to the lease. So I decided I needed to go see the house one more time to see if that would help me change my mind. I asked one of my wisest friends to come with me.
On the drive over I was complaining about how bad I felt about the house, and yet that I also knew it was the only realistic option to take. She reminded me of something our therapist taught us, namely that you can choose to support something even if you don't feel quite comfortable with it. Like with raising kids for example. Herman and I often have different opinions about what is right and was is wrong and what kind of disciplinary actions need to be taken. We used to get into arguments about the differences. I always felt that I needed to agree with a disciplinary action in order to be able to put it into effect. But there's another way out of the dilemma. I can choose to support Hermans choice while not agreeing with it, especially if I see that it's something that's very important to him and not as important to me. Am I making sense? At any rate, it has helped me to look at our differences and how we deal with them with different eyes.
In the case of this house the conclusion is as follows. I choose to support everybodies wish to move to this house, even though it has its disadvantages. I don't have to force myself to like the house as much as the others do, I can still not be very happy with it, but my choice is to go along with this decision. It gives me tremendous peace of mind to do it like this!
So the decision is made, we'll be moving to our new rental house in January. Pictures will be posted as soon as we have decent ones. All offers of help will be greatly appreciated!!
On the drive over I was complaining about how bad I felt about the house, and yet that I also knew it was the only realistic option to take. She reminded me of something our therapist taught us, namely that you can choose to support something even if you don't feel quite comfortable with it. Like with raising kids for example. Herman and I often have different opinions about what is right and was is wrong and what kind of disciplinary actions need to be taken. We used to get into arguments about the differences. I always felt that I needed to agree with a disciplinary action in order to be able to put it into effect. But there's another way out of the dilemma. I can choose to support Hermans choice while not agreeing with it, especially if I see that it's something that's very important to him and not as important to me. Am I making sense? At any rate, it has helped me to look at our differences and how we deal with them with different eyes.
In the case of this house the conclusion is as follows. I choose to support everybodies wish to move to this house, even though it has its disadvantages. I don't have to force myself to like the house as much as the others do, I can still not be very happy with it, but my choice is to go along with this decision. It gives me tremendous peace of mind to do it like this!
So the decision is made, we'll be moving to our new rental house in January. Pictures will be posted as soon as we have decent ones. All offers of help will be greatly appreciated!!
Work
So today at work I told a lot of people that I would be leaving the job in January. It felt pretty good! I got some nice reactions as well, from colleagues who said they'd miss me but also wished me well. I felt especially gratified by my managers reaction. She was clearly not happy with my leaving but also gave me a big hug and wished me the best and said she believed this was a good opportunity for us as a family. She's not a very huggy kind of person so that made me feel good.
I spent the day at work clearing out my e-mails in preparation for leaving (one can never start cleaning up early enough!). Doing so I ran into the huge amount of things that I've done in my years at this job. All kinds of memories came back of the different activities I've either organized or participated in, people I've met and worked with, volunteers I've seen and coached, conversations I've had. Wow! I didn't realize I had done so much! I've been jotting down some notes so that I will be sure not to forget these things when I'm applying for my next job.
Looking back also made me realize how much I've grown. When I came into the company I was trembling from insecurity inside and not totally sure of my worth. These last couple of years I've really had the opportunity to grow as a professional and discover my talents and my shortcomings. I can remember being surprised at the fact that I had something worth mentioning and listening to. Now I think participating in a meeting or coming up with an idea is the most normal thing in the world. I've done some major growing up! It feels good!
I do wonder what the next step will be though. I seem to be out of ambition for the moment, so I hope the right job will come along in the right time. I guess believing that will be part of my proces of trusting that all things will come together for good in the next couple of weeks when our whole lives will be turned upside down.
Me and two of my colleagues
I spent the day at work clearing out my e-mails in preparation for leaving (one can never start cleaning up early enough!). Doing so I ran into the huge amount of things that I've done in my years at this job. All kinds of memories came back of the different activities I've either organized or participated in, people I've met and worked with, volunteers I've seen and coached, conversations I've had. Wow! I didn't realize I had done so much! I've been jotting down some notes so that I will be sure not to forget these things when I'm applying for my next job.
Looking back also made me realize how much I've grown. When I came into the company I was trembling from insecurity inside and not totally sure of my worth. These last couple of years I've really had the opportunity to grow as a professional and discover my talents and my shortcomings. I can remember being surprised at the fact that I had something worth mentioning and listening to. Now I think participating in a meeting or coming up with an idea is the most normal thing in the world. I've done some major growing up! It feels good!
I do wonder what the next step will be though. I seem to be out of ambition for the moment, so I hope the right job will come along in the right time. I guess believing that will be part of my proces of trusting that all things will come together for good in the next couple of weeks when our whole lives will be turned upside down.
Me and two of my colleagues
Change
Well, we are in for some major changes! Herman heard yesterday that he's the man for his dream job which means we will be moving sometime in december. Wow!
It's a big change, pretty much all aspects of our life will become different. Different house, different schools for the kids, different church and so forth and so on. We're looking forward to it though. It's about time Herman found a job in which he can really show what kind of a person he is! He'll be working in maintenance but will have the added challenge of coaching people who need support in getting their life back on the rails.
Our kids have mixed feelings about the changes. Especially Tristan, he's not looking forward to it. Tristan likes stability, a certain amount of sameness in his life. This change is quite major for him. What we have to take into consideration real well is his growing baldness and his hemofilia. The school he is at now has fully accepted these things and there's no teasing or uneasiness or anything. A new school means informing new teachers and kids and you can't tell beforehand how they will react.
Marinda is still really sick with her Pfeiffer. She's looking forward to the change though, but she's always in for something different. She has made up her mind already about where she wants to go to school. We have to see how that works out seeing as we don't know where we're going to live yet!
As for me.... I'm excited, nervous, worried and trying to let go and let God. I'm the planner in the family and have already made lists of the things we need to do and what things to pack first and we only heard this news yesterday! I will have to find a new job as well. I don't really mind that, but the whole idea of hardly knowing anything at this point makes me kind of nervous. And knowing we're leaving makes me look at our house, home, work and family rituals with fresh eyes and helps me appreciate what we have.
I sincerely hope that what we get will measure up!
It's a big change, pretty much all aspects of our life will become different. Different house, different schools for the kids, different church and so forth and so on. We're looking forward to it though. It's about time Herman found a job in which he can really show what kind of a person he is! He'll be working in maintenance but will have the added challenge of coaching people who need support in getting their life back on the rails.
Our kids have mixed feelings about the changes. Especially Tristan, he's not looking forward to it. Tristan likes stability, a certain amount of sameness in his life. This change is quite major for him. What we have to take into consideration real well is his growing baldness and his hemofilia. The school he is at now has fully accepted these things and there's no teasing or uneasiness or anything. A new school means informing new teachers and kids and you can't tell beforehand how they will react.
Marinda is still really sick with her Pfeiffer. She's looking forward to the change though, but she's always in for something different. She has made up her mind already about where she wants to go to school. We have to see how that works out seeing as we don't know where we're going to live yet!
As for me.... I'm excited, nervous, worried and trying to let go and let God. I'm the planner in the family and have already made lists of the things we need to do and what things to pack first and we only heard this news yesterday! I will have to find a new job as well. I don't really mind that, but the whole idea of hardly knowing anything at this point makes me kind of nervous. And knowing we're leaving makes me look at our house, home, work and family rituals with fresh eyes and helps me appreciate what we have.
I sincerely hope that what we get will measure up!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
