Blogging

- oops! my knowledge of dutch is lacking. the word I use in the post below does not mean what i made it out to mean, but I decided to leave it as is anyway!-

Instead of blogging I've been doing more chatting on facebook, catching up with old friends. I'm rude, I just up and ask people what they've been doing and what choices have they made. It's so interesting to see how peoples lives have turned out! I'd love to do some kind of project, get everybody to tell their life story so we can see what we've all become.

I'm not going to the reunion, and I've reconciled to that fact I think. Part of me was terrified of going as well. Because although I have wonderful memories, it's not like going back in time and reliving it all! People change, I've changed. And seeing everybody could also turn out to be painful in a way.

And another reason is the fact that I'm "lichtgeraakt". Lichtgeraakt literally means lightly touched, or impressionable perhaps? I had this feeling that if I did go back I would end up with a huge crush on somebody. Because that's what I did back then, develop huge crushes and date a lot! And I loved it :-). So going back to familiar people would probably bring back familiar feelings....
Have to smile at myself. Here I am, a 37 year old married woman, talking about crushes. It's my inner 18 year old putting in an appearance.

I have noticed though, that people tend te revert to old behavior when put into "old" circumstances. When I go visit my parents I'm a bit of a different person than when I'm here at home. Herman used to regress when we visited his parents, drove me nuts! Until I figured out I was doing it as well ;-). Just today I was talking to a 62 year old friend about this. Even at her age, family habits die hard.
A reunion might just be a feeding ground for regression as well. Though ideally, it could also be a place to see the person you once were, be the person you are now, and a place to treasure memories and build new ones.

Now I wish I was going anyway!

Summer time

The clock changed today, daylight savings time I believe it's called? We slept in, contrary to our earlier plans to go visit another church this morning in our continuing search for a "spiritual home". Instead Herman and I visited a church this afternoon. An experience worth repeating.

Tristan spent the afternoon with friends jumping on the trampoline (yeah, the sun was shining!), laughing and joking, and raiding the fridge. Much to Marinda's dismay.

Marinda however, spent some time actually hanging things up in her room. Folks, I can hardly tell you how monumental this is. She had very very set ideas of how she wanted her room to be when we moved here a year ago. Stylish wallpaper, a new bed. She got it as well. And then everything just slowed down to a stop. Last year, on her birthday, she got a number of things to hang up in her room. All ended up standing up against the walls, waiting to be hung. This weekend stuff was hung!! As she said, "now it's like I'm really living here". And I guess that's been the issue a lot of the time. Just not feeling at home, and not wanting to settle.

But, some work has been done, and I'm ever so happy! I want my girlie to feel at home here, even though we know that next year summer she'll probably head off to college and out of here....


.

Today

Today:

4 appointments at work
1 new database to try out
1 storm in a teacup which entailed a number of calls
7 volunteers to register in the new database
10 hours I should have worked
9 of which I actually worked
1 hour biking home and back for sick child
1 invite for dinner with colleagues
1 offer of cake from colleague celebrating birthday
1 missed lunch with a friend due to sick child
1 dinner cooked by mother in law
1 volunteer who's going to bike 10,000 kilometers in 21 days
1 colleague requesting feedback
1 wedding view

One long, busy, rainy day. A strange mix of good and not so good!

Life in general

I was telling my brother this weekend that I seem quite able to "rise to the occasion" when needed in times of crisis, but I'm hard put up to deal with the every day trials and tribulations life can throw at you. Or at me, in this case.

The last couple of weeks at least one child has been home "sick" at least one day a week. Every day is a surprise, seeing who will be home this time. Tristan is not doing great, lots of psychosomatic aches and pains, he's not sleeping well at all. I don't deal with it well because I don't know what to do about it. I'm good at making big decisions, but the little daily ones....
If he has a bleed, then we can inject him and get it "fixed". This kind of stuff.....

At my sisters birthday somebody asked me how I had been doing this last year, seeing as she hadn't seen me since the year before. So I summed up how our move had gone, and how the year has been. And then it kind of sunk in that it's been quite shitty in parts. Sometimes it takes saying things out loud for them to sink in. Or writing them down, that will also do the trick.

Hopefully we're heading into a healthier phase now, with Hermans health improving and me enjoying my job so much more. But meanwhile it kind of feels like the end of my energy has been reached and every little setback asks more of me than I have to give.

Sorry, depressing post!

Marinda

I finished off work on time today and headed to the library to see if I could find some new books. And lo and behold, I could!

Then my cell phone buzzed in my bag.

I got the following message:
"Baked pancakes, vacuumed, washed windows, cleaned my bed, removed clutter. Check, check, dubbel check =)"

That was Marinda! Later she told me she should have been studying for a test tomorrow and instead of doing that, she decided to do all of the above. It made her feel less guilty than just hanging around in front of the tv :-).
And it justified her not studying ;-).

Gotta love her!

Messing around

Sorry folks, messing around with the layout! Everything does not make sense yet....

And with Marinda

A view into the head of my 16 year old daughter....

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
"go away, get off!" (this said when she hangs onto me like a limpet)

2. What makes your mom happy?
"vacation"

3.What makes your mom sad?
"frustration when something doesn't go the way she wants it to"

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
" by singing songs wrong and dancing crazy"

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"introvert, in her own small world with her books "

6. How old is your mom?
"37"

7. How tall is your mom?
"1,67"

8.What is your mom's favourite thing to do?
"reading in a sunny spot while on holiday"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"clean the house while playing Marco Borsato real loud"

10. If your mom becomes famous , what will it be for?
" I have no idea!! "

11. What is your mom really good at?
"her work, coordinating stuff"

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"remembering lyrics "

13. What is your mom's job?
"coordinating volunteer work "

14. What's your mom's favourite food?
"injera "

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"that she manages to do it all"

16.If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
"a mixture of spongebobsquarepants and jimmy neutron"

17. What do u and your mom do together?
"lately, not much"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"we look the same, and we have a lot of the same character traits"

19. How are you and your mom different?
"I'm much more laid back and less honest"

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"i just know"

21. Where is your mom's favourite place to go?
"in the house: the corner of the sofa or if it's nice weather in the garden
in Holland: somewhere where she can bike or walk
in the world: Africa "

Interview with Tristan

My friend Zan tagged me for this meme on facebook. I decided to post it here instead. A view into the head of my 12 year old son....

1. What is something your mom always says to you?
"I love you"

2. What makes your mom happy?
"a good nights sleep"

3.What makes your mom sad?
"when she tries something and it doesn't work"

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
" by acting weird"

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"how should i know! "

6. How old is your mom?
"37, even I know that!" (he's referring to the fact that I forgot how old I was a while ago and told my colleagues I was 36)

7. How tall is your mom?
"1,76" (actually it's 1,67)

8.What is your mom's favourite thing to do?
"going to the sauna with Alize"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"turn the music on loud and dance strangely"

10. If your mom becomes famous , what will it be for?
"by putting a film on Youtube made while she's freaking out because something isn't working out right"

11. What is your mom really good at?
"Swearing" (what's the english word for yelling and screaming but not actually taking Gods name in vain?)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"making up songs "

13. What is your mom's job?
"coordinating volunteer work "

14. What's your mom's favourite food?
"lasagna"

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"ummmm, ummmmm, i don't know anything"

16.If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
"i don't have a clue"

17. What do u and your mom do together?
"we live in the same house"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"we have the same ears"

19. How are you and your mom different?
"she's a woman and i'm a man"

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"Because she tells me all day long"

21. Where is your mom's favourite place to go?
"Ethiopia"

Making a Difference, part two

This morning I stopped by one of the old peoples homes here in my town to take pictures of the volunteers at work helping with breakfast on Make A Difference Day. One of the volunteers showed up a little late, so I decided to pitch in and help.

It was very confronting and humbling at the same time. My annoyance at the lack of response to the project kind of disappeared into thin air when I was greeted with big smile by a charming old lady, perfectly clad in her blouse and sweater, earrings in place, hair neatly tucked in a bun. She exclaimed over the pretty flowers on my shirt and counted them saying "he loves you, he loves you not". After which she proudly told me he loved me! And then told me to be careful, she was going to get in competition with me for his attention.

A couple of minutes later I spooned porridge into another ladies mouth. She didn't speak, just played with her bib and opened up her mouth every time the spoon came near. Later on she had her hair put in curlers by another one of the volunteers.

Meanwhile the volunteers upstairs in the same building were making friends left and right. Especially one of the men. He either knew folks, knew of them, or had played soccer with one of their kids. I met him a little later, walking back to work, and he said he'd be doing it again next year.

This afternoon three volunteers took some ladies out for a walk in their wheelchairs. One of the ladies hadn't been outside in two months....

That is what it's about after all. Taking an hour to spend a little extra time on someone.

Next year, this is what I will attempt to emphasize. That one hour of my time, of your time, can make a difference.

Attempting to make a difference

Even here in Holland Make a Difference Day is organized. This year it's tomorrow and the day after. I came up with the brilliant plan of jumping on that band wagon to get my new job off to a fantastic start. The last couple of years a number of people who work in the town hall volunteered their time and did some good stuff. So I figured it wouldn't be too hard to motivate those selfsame people this year....

Sadly, my attempt has not been very succesful. I came up with enough one time volunteer opportunities for about 50 people.

Only 12 people responded.

I'm bummed to say the least. I was hoping to get this new job off with a huge bang, but it's just a whee whistle.... And I will have worked six days this week because of this little whistle. Frustrating!

Though I have a lovely thing to look forward to. Saturday, after all obligations have been and gone, I get to head off to my brothers in our very own car and finally spend some time catching up with him and enjoying the his culinary expertise!

Curry, here I come!

Boy

Tristan is now reduced to owning one pair of pants. A pair of jeans, as a matter of fact. Jeans which creep alarmingly up his legs. He ruined his only other pants by ripping out the seat while jumping on the trampoline. And the pair before that.... he sat down on his bed and the seat tore right out of those. So actually, about 5 weeks ago we should have bought him at least one more pair of pants.....

So much for keeping my children fed and clothed properly!!

Younger me





Temper, Temper

Today I kicked my vacuum cleaner so hard it broke.

Frankly, I could care less. The stupid thing has been a source of maddening irritation since the day we got it. It's one of those modern ones, without a bag to catch the dust. Instead, you empty a container, and you have to clean the filter. And that's the part I hated most. I stood outside tapping the filter against the side of the dustbin, cloaked in cloud of dust. Didn't matter which way the wind blew, I ended up just about as dirty as the darn filter was in the first place!

I should, of course, not get myself into such a tizzy that the desire to kick vacuum cleaners into smithereens overcomes me. Much less should I act upon that desire. But the combination of having to clean house during the weekends and lack of sleep drove me to it.

That's a legitmate excuse, isn't it?!?

Saturday

I have been so trained to wake up early during the week, that sleeping in has almost become impossible. If I make it to 8.30, that's doing real well!

But there's a lovely alternative, at least to me! I stay in bed, but with a cup of coffee and a good book, or in this case, the laptop. And then just bum around for an hour or so. Feels like a wonderful luxury. Then I get up, do some exercising, and lo and behold I get a great start to the day!

Ah... the joys of bigger kids! They do sleep in. In fact I think they'd sleep all day if I let them......

Pilates

I went to Pilates class this morning. This was another thing that depended on the car, as the gym is on the other side of Nunspeet and would otherwise mean I would have to bike 20 minutes before I even got around to exercising! I don't mind a bike ride, but I knew I was not going to go to the gym for very long if I had to bike that far every time.

So after my lesson I signed up for a lesson every week, with the option of getting on this other contraption as well. Supposedly if you train on this thing for 8 minutes it's the equivalent of 30 minutes running.... We'll see about that! Next to that thing there's a Powerplate, so I get my fill of shakes and trembles and vibrations as well, if I want them. Hopefully this will give me the boost I need to get myself a bit more physically fit! And get rid of some of the tension that seems to be nestling itself in my neck...

I'm beginning to get a feel for the luxury of having the car. I drove to my friends after I went to the gym, got a call to see if I could pick up Marinda from the station (didn't have to but it was nice knowing I could have!), will visit Lise tonight, have a weekend planned with my brother, can finally get rid of all the papier we've got piled up in our shed, and have plans to go to Utrecht for a day on sunday. I just might get used to this!

There's only one thing. The car has been smoked in and reeks of cigarettes. Anybody have any good cleaning tips?

Rut

I'm stuck in a blogging rut due to a number of explicable and some inexplicable reasons.

The computers have been hogged by the kids for weeks now. And yes, I know I'm the mom and it's my job to limit their computer time, or claim some time for myself, but the very fact that I have to make the effort is not conducive to inspired writing. I tend to write in a quick flow, a reach for the kepboard and "hey presto, there's a post!"

Work has been keeping me busy as well. If not in actual hours spent at the job, then in actual hours thinking about the job! Nowadays if I wake up in the middle of the night (which has a tendency to happen lately... even though my kids are big, in the middle of the night they need their mommy!) my brain starts racing and sleep evades me. I have a surprising amount of energy considering those circumstances, but not enough inspiration for sparkling posts.

And we have a car, finally. Can I make you laugh by telling you that we actually bought the first car we drove in...... about 5 weeks ago?? Oh my, all that time and effort (most of it Hermans) spent in looking for the perfect car, only to come right back to the first one! It's a green Citroen Xsara Berline 1.6i (this means squat to me, but perhaps there are car lovers out there who will know what I am talking about). Slowly, real slowly, the realisation is beginning to sink in that I will soon have a bigger range of motion. Take this friday for example... I get to go to my sisters birthday without having to borrow a car!! This week would have culminated in a grand total of 4 times that I would have had to borrow a car..... what a relief to have that done with!

More work again.... I really love it! Things to do, people to meet.... it's great fun!

I've been on a baking spree lately. Brownies for Tristans birthday, carrot cake for my old job, banana cake for the womans group, chocolate chip cookies for international womans evening on saturday. During which I got a lovely henna tatoo on my hand. Food for conversation indeed! I've always thought that would be fun to do, and the stand next to mine made them practically for free. Have I mentioned that Marinda is wanting me and her to get a wrist tattoo done together? Right now we're thinking along the lines of the name Maria written in amharic.

My social life has taken a turn for the worse. What with rushing between one job and the other my friends have been sadly neglected, online and in real life. Have to repair my ways soon before I have to do major damage control! I miss the relaxed tea and company with my south african friend here, or the booky chats with my other friends. Hopefully another month or so will have me in a routine of work, housework and play (not neccesarily in that order!).

We have been hunting for a good vacation location. Our very favorite friends aren't able to join us (you know who you are...GRRRRRRR) so we have to find a location which will afford the children some pleasure. And our budget is unwilling to stretch far enough it seems. So compromises will have to be made (to which we are no stranger). Sometimes living on a budget sucks. And I shouldn't really be complaining because there are plenty out there who can't go on vacation.

You know what really sucked though? Taxes ate up a third of my extra months work. Last month I worked in two places and I had pretty much counted myself rich with two salaries to spend. But noooooooo, I was taxed for two jobs as well and my word, that was a shocker! And it turns out working more hours is tax unfriendly. At my old job I kept 78% of my pay after taxes, at this job i will keep 69%. So yes, there is more money, but not quite as much as I had thought! Don't ask me about the logistics of all this, my brain shuts down when numbers come up.

The weather is sucky. I wasn't minding the cold too much, but now that the flowers have come up I'm longing for some sunshine! I can't believe I'm seeing pictures of classmates in shorts and t-shirts! I'm wearing sweaters and my winter jacket and gloves. No sign of warmth in the air yet!

Now I'm all written out. Hopefully the logjam of trivia which has exploded onto this post will create room for other, more meaningful posts. One of which is in my head, but not ready to come out quite yet.

Thanks for reading!

Goodbye Winter

hello spring!


Night out

My brother in law came sneaking in tonight at 6.45 p.m. and offered us tickets to the theater.
So we got all dressed up and had a lovely unexpected night out.


These two men kept me in stitches during their acting and moved me to tears with this song...
You're going to have to take my word for it that the lyrics are pretty good!

Mixed feelings

Today was my last day of work at my old job.
It was strange.
I worked hard all day trying to finish things off perfectly, so that nobody would have any comment to make after I had left. Motivated by my great need for approval and affirmation. Hmmmm.
Then it was time to say goodbye. I figured an hour or two at the end of the day would give everybody a chance to relax and chat and have fun.
There was none of that.
We sat around in true dutch style, with a snack in hand, politely staring at each other. Meanwhile most lunches and coffee breaks are spent with people talking at full volume, and I hear the humor on fridays can be pretty raunchy. So what happened today?
I really have no clue.

I did get some lovely dutch flowers and some more personal comments, but all in all it was a flat forced occasion.

Ah well. Tomorrow I can go full speed ahead at my new job. Looking forward to that!