Incomplete

I'm so tired I could almost cry (most probably I will before the end of the day!). It's been a busy hectic week and I guess this move and all that accompanies it is finally getting to me.
It's almost 8 in the morning on saturday. Tristan has a soccer match in an hour, so I will get myself into my clothes, bike through the rain, and do some socializing. Stick on my friendliest smile and hope that people will feel inclined to get to know me! Every once in a while I feel a stab of ... I guess I would call it loneliness, though it also feels a lot like feeling incomplete. I tend to fill that gap with food, even though that doesn't really help! (Actually it just doesn't help, only gives me something else to feel bad about. Have you ever noticed that bad habits often have a function? There's always a reason why you do something!) Part of my "loneliness" is the move, and partly it is because I miss the feeling of being at home that I had in Ethiopia. I guess you could also define it as a sense of longing. My head entirely understands that I live here and I also like it hear, but a small part of me will always (or that's what it feels like) feel slightly lost. So I keep up a search to feel fulfilled, but often end up looking in the wrong places! I know I should be talking to God about this, but that is an issue all on its on which I may post about another time. In the meantime I try to keep up my spirits and find fun things to do, which always helps at least a little. Now before I sound too depressed and traumatized, I will tell you all that tiredness has a lot to do with how I'm feeling right now. So don't be surprised if, after a good nights rest, my next post will be upbeat and cheerful!

2 reacties:

Anonymous said...

Hey dear, you also put into words what I am going through. I have dreamt of Ethi the past weeks, talking to Remco about moving etc... Alot of restlessnes and hunkering for the familiar.
Love you,
Lise

Lise said...

Hey dearie,
You put into words how I have been feeling the past few weeks. I have been dreaming of Ethi, talking to my hubby about moving to another place, alot of unrest. I can imagine your unrest is a bit heftiger because you also physically moved to another town right after Ethi. Remember I am only a train ride away.
Love you,
Lise

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