Second question

What would you still like to do?

One thing I'd like to do is to take a vacation by myself. The longest I've ever been by myself was a weekend at home without Herman and the kids, with nobody else around. For the rest I've always been in the company of others.

The thought of going alone terrifies and thrills me at the same time. I have gotten so used to sharing decisions that it gives me a thrill to think of going on vacation by myself and deciding what to do all by my lonesome! No other people to take into consideration, no other peoples opinions, needs or wants influencing my decision. And at the same time that kind of terrifies me. Because it can also be kind of easy letting part of what I do depend on what somebody else does. If I went on vacation by myself every decision would be my own. Where to go, what to eat, when to go to sleep, when to wake up... My goodness, that would really take some adjusting to!

That one weekend I was by myself I was quite happy and kind of surprised that I coped so well. I took great pleasure in leaving a room and coming back and finding it looking exactly the same. No kids messes, or somebody who had crawled into my corner of the sofa. I even cooked for myself, something I am kind of convinced I wouldn't do regularly if I had to do it all the time! But imagine the pleasure of making something that I particularly like and my family doesn't! Or eating at odd times, not taking into consideration whether or not my family is hungry.

The closest I have gotten to going on vacation alone was my road trip in Ethiopia. I was not alone, I was actually with my father, brother and sister, but it was just me. I wasn't also having to be a mom or a wife at the same time. And we had all the luxury of eating "out" and travelling and enjoying each others company. I loved it! But part of the enjoyment was also knowing that my family was well taken care of and that they were enjoying themselves. Nothing gives peace of mind like knowing that the home front is doing all right!

But one day, I would like to take a longer vacation by myself. Say a week or so. Long enough to enjoy the freedom, and also long enough to realize and look forward to what's waiting for me back home.