Sitting at home, thinking about my job and how I feel about it, I think I've found one of the things that keeps me from enjoying this job as much as I can. Quite simply, it's the lack of compliments. I crave recognition for what I'm doing. I've written about it before, you can read more here.
At my old job I had a good working relationship with my manager. She knew just which buttons to push to make me do my best. Recognition, in the form of compliments, really work with me! Even though sometimes I could tell that giving compliments was almost forced with her, not being something she was used to, it still made me feel good!
I don't have the same relationship with my manager here. In fact, she's leaving, and somebody else is going to be taking her place. For me, that's not very helpful! I got thrown in the deep end in this job, and now one of the people who is supposed to guide and coach me is leaving. Oh my, I think I sound kind of pathetic.
What I actually wanted to say is that this lack of recognition that I'm feeling at my work leaves me feeling slightly resentful and unappreciated. So I think I become a bit more edgy and irritable and more easily annoyed at things than I would be if I got a regular "feed" of recognition. One part of me feels quite childish about this. My goodness, I should be adult enough to cope with a situation where people are not very complimentary! On the other hand, I'm happy that I know where this dissatisfaction is coming from. I'd rather put a name to it then walk around feeling annoyed and tense without knowing the reason why.
Another side effect of the lack of recognition is that I start feeling really insecure. If a joke is made, then I feel there may be a double layer in it. That the joke is not a joke, it may be a snide comment meant for me. Every comment gets weighed and I get doubtful about if I'm doing a good job or not. I really hate that part of me. I hate feeling needy and insecure!!
So now I've put it into words, I want to think about how I'm going to deal with this at work. I have a feeling that if I get through this I might just really enjoy my job a lot more.

1 reacties:

Anonymous said...

Ejoying your blog dear, keep it up because sometimes it feels like I am reading about myself...

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