I thrive on compliments. Compliments are the most direct way to get into my heart. Recieving compliments is my number one love language. Living in Holland with compliments being your number one love language can be really hard! In dutch culture big emphasis is placed on being as normal as possible and not doing anything to stand out. The number one saying is "be normal, then you're being crazy enough". In other words; do not, in any way shape or form, draw attention to yourself or even dare to think that you may something special. With me being the expressive person that I am, with a certain amount of attention seeking qualities :-), it has not been easy to live here. Compliments are given sparingly and almost grudgingly. On the other hand, if you do something wrong, somebody will make sure to come along and tell you so!
When I first came here the lack of compliments really bruised my ego. I hadn't realized how much I thrived on them, and how many compliments I got when I lived elsewhere. Living with a lack of them really shattered my selfimage. Add a major depression and there wasn't much left of my original selfconfidence.
I have now learned to appreciate the dutch soberness. And thankfully there are some dutchies out there who do manage to hand out positive words. And I've also learned to give myself compliments and ask for them if neccesary. During the last couple of years I have made sure to tell my boss that I need a compliment every now and again, it makes me work better! Thank goodness she paid attention, and she does her best. I also have to nudge my husband now and then. His way of showing me he loves me is by doing things for me, and he does a lot! But somehow nothing quite hits my heart like a good oldfashioned word of appreciation.

1 reacties:

Lise said...

Very true, dear sister!!! My hubby being the exception :)
Love your blog, you're a great sister (I never say that, so let it be noted in black and white).


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