Hopeful

I think I just might be clambering out of the depressive stage I have been in for a while. The last two weeks have been a lot better than the weeks before. I don't wake up with a knot in my stomach and dreading the day. I just wish I knew what it was that has made this change occur! It could be the B vitamines, the Ginseng, or the sunshine. All three of these started around the same time, so who knows?? If the sun stops shining and I feel bad again, then I guess my options will be reduced to two. But I'm not willing to stop taking the vitamins or Ginseng for fear of recurring negative feelings :-)
Depression sucks, let me tell you. It's pretty aweful waking up feeling so low and with so little energy. It's also a nasty thing to have as far as relationships go. Depressed people tend to suck the energy right out of others, leaving them feeling almost as bad! Not a good incentive for friendships or meaningful relationships. Luckily my husband has hung in there with me through my different fases and I do have friends who are sympathetic. And mostly my coping mechanism is to become kind of withdrawn and hide behind a book so I'm not even sure how many people notice that I'm out of sorts.
Anyway, hopefully I have reached the end of this depressed fase and I can now move on to a more optimistic world view. I have noticed that I'm looking forward to things and feeling hopeful again. Makes for a so much nicer life!!
Now I'm going to get myself up and at em as far as housework is concerned. We have company tonight, that's always a good motivator! The sun is shining, I'm dressed in a t-shirt with a kikoi wrapped around my waist, slippers on my feet, hair in a ponytail, 80's music is on, the kids are both gone so I can dust and clean and vacuum to my hearts content. And I feel happy enough to do some creative cooking and enjoy the process.
So help me hope that my optimism will keep growing!

2 reacties:

Anonymous said...

I'll help you hope!! Waking up and not knowing how to deal with the day is sooooo shitty. Glad to hear you're feeling up!!
I think it was our visit that got you online again...;-)
André

Elise said...

But of course! Good friends perform miracles.... :-)

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